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Why I fear the chiropractor and other irrational things

scream-cartoon-paintingI have really irrational fears about stupid things.

You know, things like my air plane falling out of the sky, the garbage disposal turning on while I have my hand too close, tooting at the chiropractor.

Seriously though.

I’ve had this horrible neck pain for three weeks. It started in my shoulder and I assumed it was an old rotator cuff injury raring it’s ugly head. Maybe it was, but the way I was compensating for it eventually led to neck pain, which led to back pain. After a week, I got a massage. I tried a TENS device. I stretched. I used weights. I did exercises from when I was in physical therapy for my shoulder. I took Motrin. I tried ice. I tried heat. Nothing was helping.

Earlier this week, I gave up and gave in. I knew I needed help. Sleeping was becoming impossible without a ton of pain and my constant aggravation was becoming more than just a little annoying. If I went to my primary care physician, he would just refer me to someone else. It would take days, if not weeks, to be seen. I would end up with some anti-inflammatory medication and a script for physical therapy. Let’s be real–ain’t nobody got time for that.

I needed some sweet relief so I called up the chiropractor I haven’t seen in three years and decided that it really couldn’t hurt.

Or, yes, maybe it could. My back and neck were so tight that it required all the weight the chiropractor could muster and still, my spine wouldn’t budge. She put me on a machine, tried to stretch it out and was able to get some movement from my neck, providing me with some relief and the ability to move my head to the right again. It was a huge improvement.

So why do I fear the chiropractor?

As I laid on the table with this woman attempting to relocate my vertebrae without breaking my neck, all I could think was, “I wonder how many people have ever totally farted when she came down on them.”

It’s happened, right? I’m sure it has. They find the sweet spot and everything just suddenly…relaxes.

Of course, I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. What if it was me? What if it smelled? What if she had to leave the room?

In no way did I feel gassy or, um, tooty, when I went in, but suddenly this irrational fear was building up deep in the bowels of my being.

{Yes, I said bowels. Probably a poor word choice, but it was totally true!}

So she gave me some stretches and sent me on my way with instructions to come back this week.

Today was my appointment. As the minutes on the clicked closer and closer to my appointment time, I suddenly felt the completely irrational anxiety bubbling up again.

{Yup, that was a purposeful word choice.}

Again, I wasn’t gassy before I went, but it was all I could think about. In fact, in the waiting room, I looked at those sitting around me and wondered if they had ever experienced chiropractor-induced flatulence. Were they worried about the same thing? Is this silly or is it something people actually worry about, like pooping on the table during child birth? {Because that is an actual concern of some women.} What about those of you who get massages on the regular? Do you think about this? Have you done it? Is that way they fill the room with all of those relaxing scents? I can’t be the only one to consider this!  Or, maybe I’m just the only one who vocalizes it.

I also fear doing things like randomly vomiting on the dentist. That HAS to happen. I also worry that I’ll accidentally scream out loud during church, mistake the gas for the brake and drive through the “drive thru” window or inadvertently type and post something inappropriate on the church website I manage.

Weird, irrational fears. These are not the cause of my paralyzing anxiety. These are generally less stressful, but they trickle up and make me pause. I can’t be the only one who has such random thoughts.  So, Internet…it’s your turn. What are some of your irrational fears? And if you have the same fear about the chiropractor, own it!