This weekend, my husband and I caught up on a few home improvement projects. Nothing big. A few coats of paint here and there and a new set of closet doors for our living room and our hallway. It remarkable to inexpensive and easy these projects were, but how much of a difference they made. Wouldn’t it be easy if we could change something about ourselves that we didn’t like just by undoing a few screws or slapping on some paint?
We all have something about ourselves that we’d like to change. I am not just talking about clearer skin, better looking thighs or abs of steel. I’m talking those things, deep down that you wish you didn’t harbor. Things like jealousy, greed and those insecurities that just eat at you internally. We all have them. I do. I have demons that I fight every single day.
I power through urges. I push down feelings. I use fake smiles and hold back tears. That’s how I cope with the feelings. That’s not the right way to do it, obviously. Most days I wish I could just unscrew the light bulb that makes me feel bad and replace it with a new one.
You know, the one that I fight when I have to figure out if I want to spend my money on concert tickets or give more in my offering envelop. Why can’t I just unscrew the cog that says “buy the tickets!” and put in one that knows that’s not the way it should be. The greed piece of my brain. Let’s just take it out.
It doesn’t work that way. Even when I spend lots of time working on improving areas of my life, even when I read lots of books on perfecting this or that, I can’t make it right. I’ll still always have to fight myself on that. Like a recovering alcoholic. Or trying to stop biting my nails. Every day is a about fighting the urges, staying strong and just doing your best.
It’s be a lot easier just to go to the store, pick out what you want, slap your favorite color on it and call it awesome. But, then, life would be too easy, wouldn’t it?
So what you do fight against and how to do you it?